I need to be better about updating this blog. I want it to be a place where I write whatever I'd like related to weightloss, surgery, exercise, eating, etc. But then I think "who cares?"...well *I* care, and that's what matters. This is public, but nobody HAS to read it. I need to remember that.

Today was a great day for exercise. I woke up and jumped on the Wii fit. I did 20 minutes of various exercises, yoga and some aerobics. I've even taken to doing the 3-minute basic run. Running for ANY period of time is a big deal for me..I have always disliked running, even in elementary school. I'd rather swim laps. Seriously. And those can make your lungs burn and heart pound just as much if you put the effort in.

I bought When Food Is Love, a book that has been highly recommended to me by several people throughout the years. (I also want to re-read Beyond The Food Game that I read when I was 16 and got a lot of) It has been on my amazon wish list for as long as I've had an amazon wish list, but I found it for 2.50 at goodwill. It has a bookmark in it, left by the previous owner I'm sure. It has butterflies, and a quote "Beginnings are wonderful things--they're free, they're full of possibilities, and everybody gets a new one every day." I loved that the person who read this book left it inside, and didn't sell it on ebay or something, but passed it on. It was definitely something I couldn't pass up at that point.

Why I bought it, is complicated. But when it comes to food and me, what isn't complicated. Having surgery has made it super-duper crystal clear that I will always be an emotional eater. Whether I label it compulsive over-eater like they do in OA, generic "emotional eater" or something in between, that's me. Food just has with it so many associations other than just nutrients and sustenance. I am so much better about not eating every bite on my plate, and only when I'm full. Even though my portions are small..I dont have to eat every bite if I don't need to. I'm learning this, and it's a nice feeling. I'm better about making good food choices. I'm less food obsessed...but only less, it hasn't gone away. I still think about food a whole lot more than necessary. I still want to wrap up a good day with a nice junk-food fest, or grab a snack when I'm stressed. I have to address all of this or my tool (surgery) won't work as well as it could. As I said in a comment earlier, these are the cards I was dealt and I just have to take things one day at a time, one meal at a time, and hope that I can alter the way I view food.