Once upon a weightloss blog.

Why I've been quiet...

2011-02-06T20:30:00.000-08:00

Hello little health blog. I've missed you. And yet, I haven't.

I'm back again because I have to buckle down and get my butt moving again. I had a very normal winter full of not moving, eating too many sweets at the holidays and that kind of thing. Add to it I live half at my boyfriends and half with my mom/uncle, it put a kink in my working out plans. I haven't really had a space to workout, and so I used that as an excuse.

The problem is that now my pants are fitting tight, and I've gained about 10lbs. Its a little scary in the post wls-world, but my portions aren't too out of whack. I know what I need to do, and that is... Exercise.

I joined a gym right on January 1st, since I knew I could get a decent deal which I did. I then got sick for 2 weeks and started a brand new job which had me going from a swing shift schedule to 7am training and a 40 minute commute. Needless to say, I have not utilized the ultra fab gym I belong to now. Whoops. :/

Starting tomorrow, though, I'll be on my new shift of 9-6 which is much more attractive to my night owl self, and I'm feeling healthy. I still don't have my own place yet, but I'm working on it! I'll most likely be moving into a place with my boyfriend and another couple I know in April. While having roomates isn't the best scenario to have free-reign to hoola-hoop on the Wii in my living room at 2am, I will have all of my things in one place and less excuses not to go to the gym.

Anyway, getting back to the title of my post. Why I've been quiet.

Its a bit complicated, but I think it boils down to the fact that I don't want to be completely obsessed with dieting and weightloss. Its exhausting, and sometimes overwhelming. Motivation and support systems are huge in keeping yourself on track, and things like Spark People have been very helpful for me. Same with reading Health Blogs. I just don't like having Diet Brain. I spent my childhood always worrying about diet and weight, then in early adulthood I went from the chubby to obese and then it was trying to find acceptance of myself. That all accumulated to me wanting to get control of my health, so I went down the path of having surgery and having about a full year of my life being all about protein drinks and buying new clothes and change, change, change. Which was great...but at some point I want my identity to be something OTHER than my pant size and if I am on a diet or not. I found this to be acutely true after I got divorced...that was the only other label people knew of me, so take that away and its back to scrutiny and lectures at Christmas family celebrations.

The reality is that I can't ignore who I am or what I need to be doing. I have to always keep an eye on what I'm eating and how much I work out. That is something I just have to accept. So, I'm here. I'm going to try to make this space a place to focus on getting healthy but also focus on finding who I want "Healthy Elizabeth" to be.

2010-06-06T23:50:00.000-07:00

Its late Sunday night and I'm doing what many, many dieters have done before me. Making up a new goal list to start up on Monday. :)

I weighed myself today, and I'm at 184...which is 9 pounds away from my goal weight! That is close. Its exciting. My goal weight is on the higher end of what I would ideally like to weigh. The reason I picked it, is because it will be a healthy weight for me, and a number I want to stay at or below. If I lose more, yay.

I have the Wii and the wii fit (not wii fit pro which apparently is much better), but I got myself something called My Fitness Coach which gives you routines that will increase over time as you build endurance. I got the inital setup done, and did 15 minutes of yoga. I am excited to do some Cardio. What is really cool, is that you can add things like weights, stability ball, step to your profile and it will add those exercises to your routines. I only have the wii step board, but I am going to get some hand weights, I need them for toning big time. I also really like that you unlock more music as you go along...that is a great motivator for me to meet goals.

What are you weightloss bloggers up to these days?

I'm also really thinking I might want to do some type of aquacize...I'm that cool. ;)

2010-02-12T15:21:00.000-08:00

Since the last time I posted....

Everything has changed.

My marriage has ended, I moved back to Las Vegas..I've been depressed and grieving and now feeling hopeful and excited about the future.

But guess what? I haven't gained weight. I also haven't been working out, but the former is a huge huge deal for me because whenever I experience negative emotions it becomes binge-city and this time that wasn't the path I took. Still need to move more, though.

I haven't abandoned this space, I've just been focused on getting myself together as far as employment and settling into this new life.

I'll be back. Soon.

2009-05-14T14:58:00.000-07:00

I finally got a haircut. I've been dealing with the hair loss by doing lots of crying and whining about it. I KNOW it grows back, its a normal thing with people who have had bariatric surgery. I just didn't handle it very well. But I finally went and got my hair cut, and it looks a thousand times better.

2 more gratuitous shots.

This is what I call my "Amelie" shot.

This is the shortest I've had my hair..ever..because of it being curly they want to avoid "triangle" hair, but I think for what I need right now it works. The bangs help add the illusion of more hair as well which I like, and so I'm happy with it. In a couple months I'll get a trim and do highlights, which will also help make my hair look more full.

Onederland!

2009-05-08T23:32:00.000-07:00

It was actually 199.2 tonight, I took this last night, but I was too lazy to take the picture for 6 ounces. hah

me in my new purple dress . Yes, my hair is wet. Yes, that is a bra on the floor. You are jealous of my housekeeping skills.

Up close of me. My double chin is almost gone. Yes, those are collar bones. This is one of my most exciting new developments. I heart them.

quickie

2009-05-01T22:38:00.000-07:00

200.6 pounds this morning! Finally this MONTH long stall at 202 has ended. Just one more pound until my pajama dance party. :-p.

2009-04-09T15:34:00.000-07:00

202lbs! 199 is taunting me like a 12 year old boy in math class pulling on your bra strap!

Week One, Day One.

2009-03-20T12:07:00.000-07:00

I love my little workout top that I bought. I wear it with yoga pants and would fit right in at the gym. This is the FIRST time I've actually bought something specific for working out, but I figured if I'm going to be running I'll need something more supportive than an oversized t-shirt.

Yesterday was Week 1, day 1 of the Couch to 5K program! It was a good workout, and nothing I couldn't accomplish.
5 minutes of a brisk walk for warm up, and then 20 minutes of the actual intervals.
60 seconds of running, 90 seconds of walking. I'm not sure how fast most people consider their run/jog, I did 3.5 which had me at a jog fast enough to make me sweat but not want to keel over. It went very well, only the last 5 minutes where the clock started to slow down. :)

On my "off" days from C25k I'm going to start doing small weights, because my arms are really needing some toning, as well as my thighs. I know that with fast weightloss you can't avoid loose skin all together, but I want to tone up as much as I can, and I'm still young so I should have some luck. I don't think I'll mind it so much in my stomach, but my arms are more touchy. I want to wear sleeveless tops this summer, and right now it's pretty saggy in that area. I don't know if this summer I'll be without some type of cover over my arms, but maybe next year?

2009-03-17T15:31:00.000-07:00

Inching my way closer and closer to onederland. I'm excited. I think I might throw myself a little party when I'm under 200. No one will come, it'll just be me in oversized pajamas dancing around my house, but it'll be awesome.

ALL of my clothes are big. Some things are extremely large and I shouldn't be wearing them. I have a few tops that I got at Old Navy over Christmas that are still good, but even the size 18 jeans are loose. Since it is now Spring, I'm going to have to give in a buy a few things to tide me over. I just don't want to spend too much, but I figure if I buy specific to spring/summer, and buy dresses and skirts, I might be able to make things last longer than the saggy butt/thigh fiasco I'm having right now with all my jeans.

The 23rd of this month will be my sixth month "surgiversary" and I really can't believe it's been that long! I'm very happy with where I am, weight wise, and really the only thing I want to do better is get in more protein. I'm making it my mission to find a protein drink that I can drink every morning. I found out that the body can't absorb more than 30g of protein in one setting, so my double-scoops of 23g powder is all for naught. That's ok, though, only having to drink one serving is actually making it seem less like a chore. Plus, I found from multiple sources that the way I have been preparing them...shaking them instead of blending, is probably the worst way to do it as far as it being chalky. So, since I have a long weekend (my days off are mid-week) I'm making it a mission to make some blended protein drinks until I find a combination that works. Right now we have strawberry and chocolate powders and I bought some frozen berries, wish me luck.

I'm on the tail end of a head cold. Nothing major, but just enough to make you a bit snotty and a bit sleepy, but I want to start doing the Couch to 5k. There is now a really great website that kind of rounds up all the useful information online for the C25k that I'm linking on this blog, and there are even podcasts created with cues to switch from walking to running..that's pretty cool. I'm giving myself permission to repeat weeks, since we all know I'm not a natural runner, and by doing this it's making me give up my excuse to quit. If I can take as long as I want, and repeat weeks, then I have no reason to quit because it's hard. *laughs*

2009-03-04T20:19:00.000-08:00

Getting closer to onderland. I'm so excited.

2009-02-19T15:00:00.000-08:00

This morning, Curtis and I ran together.

I was terrible at it. No, really. I ran for half a mile, and had to stop twice. Ugh. It was half that I don't have stamina for running, and half in my head. I think my body said "Hello? Are we running? Is there something wrong? Is a dog chasing us? Here, let me help you by making your lungs sting and a general feeling of panic."

Actually, I'm just glad I did it. I have not run at all as an adult. I think I was maybe 9 or 10 when I last voluntarily ran? Maybe in Junior High during P.E., but that's pushing it. So it isn't so shocking that my run wasn't a major success...but I don't like to do things that I'm not instantly good at, so there were tears. Yes, tears. I think I'm the only person who ends up crying WHILE running down the middle of the road.

I am a sore loser. The good thing is that I'm not very competitive, so this character flaw doesn't rear its head that much. But when it is something that *I* want to accomplish, I'm not a happy camper. I want to be excel at whatever it is, end of story. If I can't? Well...tears, apparently. Usually I would just not participate, but I've found so many converted runners who love it and I really want to give it a shot. So I need to get over myself pronto.

You so want to be my running partner.

2009-01-31T03:13:00.000-08:00

This morning when I hopped on the scale, it said 212. I checked 4 more times and, yep, 212. I'm inching closer and closer to "onederland". I am beyond amazed and thankful.

It's getting easier and easier to throw food away, especially since I don't want my refrigerator to become a mold factory. I just have to let go and realize that the world is going to be ok if I don't save the other half of my dinner that I didn't eat. Eating everything on my plate is not going to make up for someone else having no food.

I'm still struggling to get in my water, especially when I'm busy at work. I've GOT to figure out a good solution for it. I think 16 ounces before bed might have to be one of them, I'll just have to do a mid-night bathroom trip.

I finally got my prevention dance fitness video from Netflix, which I'm planning on doing tomorrow so I really hope I'll like it! It wasn't as far up on my list as I had thought when I last posted, hah. I also found out some of the exercise videos can be added to the instant queue! Since we have an Xbox, that means instantly to my T.V! I'm very excited about this discovery.

2009-01-20T12:23:00.001-08:00

218 this morning. *does a little jig*

AND I would also like to add that It's also that time of the month so the fact that I lost a pound right now was pretty shocking.

I normally work 1:30-10pm, but this week and next I'll be working 4pm to 12:30am, so I'm gonna have to really focus on working out BEFORE work. I did 20 minutes on the wii fit, but should probably do something more substantial. Hm...

2009-01-16T12:47:00.000-08:00

The Wii fit balance board and I have a love-hate relationship.

The problem is that our living room has carpet, and scales aren't known for being very accurate on anything but a flat, level surface. We try to put it in the exact same spot everytime, but I'll have days where it'll say "You've gained 7.5 pounds since last time!" um, no. 2 pounds I'd grit my teeth and take it, but seven pounds? Not a chance. So, I've come to take the weight it gives me with a grain of salt and stick with the regular bathroom scale, which is currently sitting at 219 and is apparently quite happy with that number.

Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic to be under 220, but it's been 2 weeks. I know that due to taking hormonal birth control again, this is part of the process cause my body is holding water and all that fun stuff, but I kind of want to run around screaming with my hands in the air. The stall it's making me more motivated to exercise, and to get my water in. I really struggle with water because I sit on the phone for 8 hours a day. I do get a half hour lunch, but I can't drink when I eat! So I try to get down as much water as I can at my 15 minute breaks, and in-between calls. The busier the day-the less time I have to take a sip. Oh well, I'll just have to drink as much water as I can after work. I NetFlix-ed a Prevention fitness dance workout, and I'm eager to try that out tonight. It's great to be able to try them out before you fork over 10-15 dollars for something that you may not like.

2009-01-14T01:01:00.000-08:00

I need to be better about updating this blog. I want it to be a place where I write whatever I'd like related to weightloss, surgery, exercise, eating, etc. But then I think "who cares?"...well *I* care, and that's what matters. This is public, but nobody HAS to read it. I need to remember that.

Today was a great day for exercise. I woke up and jumped on the Wii fit. I did 20 minutes of various exercises, yoga and some aerobics. I've even taken to doing the 3-minute basic run. Running for ANY period of time is a big deal for me..I have always disliked running, even in elementary school. I'd rather swim laps. Seriously. And those can make your lungs burn and heart pound just as much if you put the effort in.

I bought When Food Is Love, a book that has been highly recommended to me by several people throughout the years. (I also want to re-read Beyond The Food Game that I read when I was 16 and got a lot of) It has been on my amazon wish list for as long as I've had an amazon wish list, but I found it for 2.50 at goodwill. It has a bookmark in it, left by the previous owner I'm sure. It has butterflies, and a quote "Beginnings are wonderful things--they're free, they're full of possibilities, and everybody gets a new one every day." I loved that the person who read this book left it inside, and didn't sell it on ebay or something, but passed it on. It was definitely something I couldn't pass up at that point.

Why I bought it, is complicated. But when it comes to food and me, what isn't complicated. Having surgery has made it super-duper crystal clear that I will always be an emotional eater. Whether I label it compulsive over-eater like they do in OA, generic "emotional eater" or something in between, that's me. Food just has with it so many associations other than just nutrients and sustenance. I am so much better about not eating every bite on my plate, and only when I'm full. Even though my portions are small..I dont have to eat every bite if I don't need to. I'm learning this, and it's a nice feeling. I'm better about making good food choices. I'm less food obsessed...but only less, it hasn't gone away. I still think about food a whole lot more than necessary. I still want to wrap up a good day with a nice junk-food fest, or grab a snack when I'm stressed. I have to address all of this or my tool (surgery) won't work as well as it could. As I said in a comment earlier, these are the cards I was dealt and I just have to take things one day at a time, one meal at a time, and hope that I can alter the way I view food.

Some Progress Pictures

2009-01-08T13:45:00.000-08:00

I'm definitely not at my goal weight, and I am NOT photogenic but people are wanting to see some progress pictures so I better share.

So these would be considered "3 month" progress pictures. Man, I can't wait to see 6 months because while there are differences in these, I think I'll be happier with the 6 month shots (especially in my arms/stomach).

My mom and I last June.

My mom and I last week.

This is one of the only body shots I have of myself at my high-range weight, and this one is pretty flattering. *laughs* I made curtis take it from a flattering angle.

Me this morning. Please excuse the general lack of fabulousness that is me, I just wanted a body shot and didn't care about looking pretty.

I'm going to get some better body shots here in the next week or so, and find some more body-shot pictures, but you get the idea of what a 50lb weight loss looks like on me.

2008-12-20T23:19:00.000-08:00

I can't believe how far my little lion has traveled in these 2.5 months. I am so, so, so blessed.

There isn't a whole lot to talk about right now, I'm just chugging along. At this point in my weight loss, I'm getting a lot of comments from co-workers and family, it's really starting to be apparent and it's great to hear. Although it does make me a little shy. Whenever I get attention in that way, I get very shy/embarrassed. It's ok though, most of the time I'm so extroverted it balances out. ;)

I'm starting to feel like this is my life now, not just surreal/weird. What I mean is..eating this way, taking vitamins, looking to see how much protein is in everything *laughs*..its all becoming normal to me instead of "weird". I'm happy that it's starting to come along, because this is a new way of life. I need to always watch myself, make sure I don't lose good habits for bad ones, but I'm glad some of it is becoming second nature.

Walkin' Away The Pounds

2008-12-07T20:28:00.000-08:00

I love Walk Away The Pounds. I am so happy that I picked up one of the DVDs at Ross for 5 dollars. *laughs* This was a couple years ago, the Walk and Kick, and then I also have a combo dvd with a 1, 2 and 3 mile walk.

If I ever met Leslie Sansome, I would have to give her a huge hug. When I was the most sedentary of my LIFE, her video made me feel good about myself and like I could actually move again. When I was 17, I got Mono. I was out of commission for a good 3 months because of it..exhausted all the time and not moving at all. Then I graduated high school, wasn't working, so I didn't even walk back and forth to classes anymore. I met Curtis, we had a lot of fun together and a lot of that fun dating included eating out. We moved in together, I did work, but as a receptionist sitting on my butt all day, and then moved to oregon and was out of work for awhile! This was when I got up to 278lbs. It was at this time that I had heard about WATP on sparkpeople.

I'm not trying to say omgeveryoneneedstouse them, because a lot of people don't like them. For me, they are fantastic. I haven't been exercising at all lately, and the Treadmill has been mocking me, not to mention my ipod mini needs charged. But I decided NO EXCUSES and put in the 1 mile workout and I feel so good. There is something about those videos..they have enough moves to feel like your doing aerobics, but enough walking that you don't dread it. It has a tracker that tells you when you've completed .25, .50, .75 and 1 mile, but it isn't up ALL the time so you aren't focused on that either. The time flies. I also really like Leslie Sansones personality. She's down to earth, and sometimes she trips over a word, and in the Walk and Kick she gets the giggles..so you don't feel like you are watching an uber-health nut who would see your wobbly bits at the grocery store and make a beeline to the celery sticks.

Anyway, I just felt the need to share during my endorphine-love-fest. Toodles.

2008-12-03T13:51:00.000-08:00

Things have been going pretty well. I still need to get my butt exercising more, but I'm happy with how things have been going and am excited about the upcoming holidays. Thanksgiving was great, didn't have any problems emotionally and other than a bite of turkey skin that didn't sit well, the actual meal was great. Ate just a couple bites of the side dishes, some turkey and left the table to go look at Black Friday ads. I was a little worried I might feel sorry for myself because I couldn't binge..but actually it was the exact opposite. I was happy that my little stoma was full after so little, and that I wouldn't be overeating for the next however many days with leftovers. It was a good feeling. I missed my one-month doctors appointment and I'm now at TWO months out and need to reschedule..sheesh. Time has just been flying by, not to mention 2 of my "weekends" off from work I was sick, but I'm going to get the bloodwork done and the new appointment scheduled.

So, my goals for this month are:
Exercise at least 3 times a week, include strength training on off days of cardio
Water, water, water!!!
Eat breakfast every day, make the time for it.

Blinkies.

2008-11-13T13:53:00.000-08:00

A looong, long time ago I came across some weight loss blinkies. I wish that I still knew the source of them, but I do not. They are simple, which I liked, but still have the look-at-me factor. I'm not a fan of a lot of crazy stuff on blogs, but when you lose weight you should show off a bit and be proud of yourself. The weight-loss blinkies go in 5 pound increments up to 200 pounds. I uploaded them to photobucket, but they are not in order unfortunately. But I just wanted to share with everyone...so feel free to take and let me know so I can cheer you on!

http://photobucket.com/healthyelizabeth

2008-11-12T15:11:00.001-08:00

233!

Wow, wow, wow. I just can't think of anything else to say. Looking at the ticker, I am down 45 pounds from my highest weight. That is pretty intense.

This weekend I went to wal-mart and bought a pair of pants, which were a size smaller than what I have been wearing for years. I also got 2 shirts a size down as well. It was fun. I'm not going crazy with clothes, I know that I'll be out of this size before too long and thankfully the holidays are coming and I basically just told my mom to wait til she comes to visit and then we'll get a couple outfits as my christmas present.

Um, what else? I did notice hair loss and freaked out a bit, but I know it's normal. Just have to watch protein, make sure I'm getting as much as I can and stay on top of vitamins. Just the shock of surgery alone can do it, and then your intake sharply decreases from what it was used to, messes things up for awhile. Still not fun.

Running?

2008-11-06T13:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I was 237 and I was super excited about that..I woke up this morning, 235! 2 pounds in one day?! Holy moly, that was crazy. Curtis has had big jumps like that, but I had yet too, I just haven't dropped like he has. So, this was pretty cool.

I'm still not a morning person, but it is so much easier for me to get up every day. I don't feel like it's going to be a struggle just to go to work and come home. I'm so happy about that!

I'm seriously considering doing the Couch to 5K workout. Now, I loathe running. I really, really do..even when I was little and normal weight I never liked to run. But, many people who do this program get into it, feel empowered and actually enjoy running at the end of it. Who knows what'll happen, but it can't hurt to try? You start very slow in the beginning..and it's a 9 week plan but I think that people repeat weeks if they struggle with them. So, wish me luck on that. Eeep.

2008-11-03T22:40:00.000-08:00

239! 30 pounds gone since Surgery. The scale said 238 this am when I weighed..but when I jumped back on it again a minute later it said 239 again, so I'm going with that one.

I have really started to notice the weightloss in my body. Of course with my clothes fitting differently, but I've noticed in my neck/chest/shoulders physically. Since I hold a lot of weight in my stomach, I haven't gone down a pant size yet. They are loose, but not to the point where I HAVE to buy a new size. So, that'll be a fun experience when I can buy a size down.

Since my big mopping/deep clean of the kitchen, my back has been in pain. I'm hoping that it will go away soon, I've taken some warm baths but it hasn't let up just yet. It feels better when it's stretched and I'm not sitting, but of course I sit all day at work. If there is time between calls I do stand and kind of walk in place or move from side to side, but today it was busy for the first 4 hours I was there and my back was S-O-R-E. Tomorrow I am, no ifs ands or butts going to walk on the treadmill before work, so that should help get things going in the right direction. At least that's what I'm hoping for.

That's all for now!

2008-10-31T12:33:00.000-07:00

Recently, in the WLS forum that I read, 2 people have posted negative stories post WLS..stories about serious complications and it is not a happy thing to think about. I know that you can never control anything in your life, but it's scary to think that something like that could happen to me or Curtis.

I just have to stay positive, do the things I need to do, and hope for the best. eep.

I'm down another pound to 240. Happy about that, and I'm a Vampire for Halloween which is fun..we are dressing up at work. Hopefully it'll be a slow day and we can have a good time, and I hope a lot of people will participate cause I'm wearing a black and pink wig, black lips with red lipstick "blood", the whole nine.

2008-10-29T21:39:00.001-07:00

Once again I am amazed at how much easier cleaning/moving my body is with these 28 pounds gone. I can't wait to see how I feel in another 28 pounds. :)

Things are going pretty steady, working to get my water in, doing pretty good with protein as well. I'm starting to keep track of it a bit more now, as I've gotten into the flow of things.

So, the south beach meatloaf dinner? Not a good idea. Barely ate any of it and off to the bathroom I went. Too rubbery of green beans is the culprit, I'm guessing. I only ate 3 of them! :p

Curtis and I were out of our multi vitamin, and we got a new flavor. We take the Bariatic Advantage chewables, and we had the tropical flavor. This time we got Orange and I like it MUCH better. It is similar in the taste of vitamin c chewables, and I think Orange is just a lot easier to pull off of a flavor. We also got some samples of chewable calcium that I am going to try out as well, and calcium crystals to go in water. I'm so happy that there are products out there to serve to the needs of wls patients. I'm also so thankful for the program that I have gone through. I read a lot on a livejournal community for wls patients, and there was a question about vitamins. Someone commented that their surgeon just told them to take Flinstone chewable vitamins..and that's it. Wow. With the little amount that I eat, and with the lack of much change in diet (I'm getting better at it but I tend to eat a lot of the same things over and over) that it would have to lead to vitimin deficiency. I mean..even with taking vitamins/protein supplements, you always have to monitor. My first surgeon follow up is November 5th, and I'm getting bloodwork done for that. As well at 3 months, 6 months and 1 year. I believe after that it's only every 6 months, but I think it's a good followup to make sure your health is optimal.

Ok, well that is all for now!

2008-10-25T23:43:00.000-07:00

242! I'm excited that the plateau is over for now. Now I just need to start EXERCISING more! Consitancy is the big issue for me, that I think I will be forever fighting myself on.

I found sugar-free maple and brown sugar oatmeal, that was exciting. It has quite a bit of protein in it as well. Nice for a breakfast option every once in awhile. I also found that the South Beach dinners show the protein on the package and are pretty well portioned, might help me during times when I have nothing for lunch at work. I got a meatloaf and green bean option..it's nice that there is no mashed potatoes/random brownie etc with the meal. Not too great of an option because of sodium, but it helps when you are on the go. I also found ruby red grapefruit crystal light, and that made me VERY excited because I love grapefruit and cranberry juice and the sugar content is ridiculous.

I forgot my water bottle at home today, and so I decided I would fork out the 1.25 for a bottle at work, but of course the machine with water wasn't working. So..I decided I would get the brisk ice tea. Well, it was raspberry brisk, and it was 35 grams of sugar! More than most sodas! Of course I did NOT drink that. Jeez.

Um, what else? It's getting a lot easier for me to go to the grocery store. Sometimes I'd feel sorry for myself about what I couldn't eat. Now I'm not doing that anymore..there are some things I want (orange juice) and get whiney about, but I'm passing by that cookie/chips/soda isle with much more ease. I'm starting to understand the people that say they just hardly THINK about food anymore. I'm not there quite yet, but I find myself not fretting over when/what/how I'm going to eat as much. I'm also excited about trying the Nectar protein drinks. I'm thinking of ordering the sample package that has all the different flavors, I hear lots of rave reviews, especially their pink lemonade flavor.

all for now!

2008-10-22T22:28:00.000-07:00

Oh my, I have not posted in awhile! Sorry about that.

So..I hit the dreaded plateau they talk about around 3 weeks or so. Until today, I was stuck at 244-245 and to be honest was freaking out a bit. I have, for years, lost the same 6 pounds over and over again it was hard to see that happening. But, I'm down to 243 today, and hopefully out of this particular plateau.

My mind is realistic about these things happening, and knows that my body is still adjusting to foods, not to mention bowel stuff..but the anxious/emotional side gets panicked.

I started work again on Friday, and today was my day off after the first week, and I got cleaning. My house has been a disaster, even before I had surgery and was recovering. I can't BELIEVE how much 25 pounds can do for your stamina. I wasn't out of breath, I only had to take one break and I did some heavy cleaning. It made me feel really empowered.

Alright, that is all for now.

2008-10-08T12:50:00.000-07:00

So I hopped on the scale today, 245! I'm just over 2 weeks out and I've lost 24 pounds. wow. Now 8 pounds was the liqiud diet before the surgery, but I still count it.

My doctors appointment went well. My scars are healing just fine, and we talked about my returning to work and all of those kind of things. Got the OK to start taking vitamins and exercise which is exciting. I'm starting to feel like this is my new life, rather than this weird waiting period for liquids to be over and all of that. It's amazing how little I eat! I found BariatricEating.com, which is a great resource of recipes, and I'm going to make up a grocery list to get some meals going. Curtis and I have gotten a bit lazy. Just eating little things and not meals. I just feel that will lead to snacking, which is a no-no.

One thing that is sad, I found Diet Cran-Grape OceanSpray at the grocery store, and I was very excited to try it. Was not good. The whole point of cranberry juice is the nice tartness. I don't know why...maybe the splenda overpowers it or something, but it was just super bland. Oh well. Stick to Crystal Light when I'm wanting a different taste than water, better for me anyway.

Well I am off to take my vitamins and then walk a bit on the treadmill. Now that I'm in official post-op land, I want to use this blog to track my protein/exercise/vitamins, along with general feelings and progress. I know it's boring for most, so sorry about that..I wont feel bad if you skim the more STAT type posts. Thank you so much for the people who have been keeping track, it feels really nice to have people rooting me on.

I'm a Post Op, now.

2008-09-28T14:45:00.001-07:00

So..I am now 5 days out!

The surgery went very well, and I was home on Thursday by the early afternoon. I pretty much had an easy experience. I had a bit of nightime anxiety, but the nurses were very sweet and able to calm me down. I'm still sore, but it is tolerable and I'm walking just as much as I can. I try to make sure I'm moving my legs constantly, and getting up and walking a lot. Moving the remote controls around, and watching DVDs helps so that I have to get up to change it rather than just find another channel. I also hate commercials and have gotten spoiled with DVR so I get frusterated with T.V. in general. I've also walked a few times on my treadmil, just 3-4 minutes bursts, but at least I know I'm going at a steady pace. I've also walked the 3 doors down to my in-laws several times.

As of this morning, I am 252. Which is pretty amazing. I know that things will even out a bit more once I'm eating soft foods and more consistantly 3 meals a day, but I'm still sort of in this "wow..it's really happening.." phase. I'm happy though, since before the same 6 pounds kept bouncing around for years.

Hm, what else? Not too much else to talk about. I'll be happy once I can get exercising and have a little more choice for food options. I'm looking forward to eggs and refried beans once I'm on the soft foods, jello, yogurt and soup are getting a bit old. I also found that I like the Chocolate Fudge myloplex drink, so that's great. I had that yesterday, and will again this evening for a meal. Curtis isn't a big protien drink kind of person, but I want it to be a staple of my diet, because I wan't to get the most bang for my buck as far as nutrition, especially since I'm not a huge meat fan (well, except ground beef but that's hardly the best choice).

Thank you so much for your comments/good thoughts. I really appreciated seeing them and knowing people were out there rooting for me.

2008-09-22T23:59:00.000-07:00

Yep, I did the bowel cleanse. *laughs*

Tomorrow morning is THE day. I'm ready, and very nervous. Also starving..but as my wonderful hubby who has been through it said, I'll wake up and I won't feel that way.

I'm ready to start my new life.

<3 to all.

2008-09-21T11:34:00.000-07:00

Two more days until surgery! I can't believe how close it is. I have been on the liquid diet since Tuesday..today starting the 2 days of just clear liquids (ie chicken broth, Jello). Just like all I've spoken to who had to do it, it hasn't been easy. BUT..i've made it through, and I've lost some weight which is a good thing. The doctors want your liver to shrink up a bit so they have room..this lessens the change of them having to do an open RNY rather than laproscopic.

Well I WANTED to write more, but my husband is bugging me to go to Walmart. So I guess I better go.

I'm nervous! But excited.

More Ticker Goodness

2008-09-10T14:48:00.000-07:00

Since I've basically been bouncing between 270-266, I will be amazed when the numbers start going down on the weight ticker. I changed the goal to 175, which was what they gave me at the doctors office based on my muscle mass/fat ratio and all that fun stuff.

...Its starting to feel real. 13 DAYS. Wowza.

2008-09-10T00:08:00.000-07:00

Wow..time is just flying by!

I have my surgery date, September 23rd. Made a little tickers, because I'm a tiny bit obsessed with them.

Tonight I went to a support group meeting, and I'm so glad that I was able to make it. It was great to see people a month out to 3 years out. Everyone had something very interesting to contribute and I am glad it's in existance...online communities are great and you can get a lot of help, but seeing people in person and hearing them speak openly (without edit functions and spell check) is great.

So..how am I doing with the fact that surgery is 2 weeks away? Well, I'm getting nervous about the surgery day, but excited about this new step in my life. Its a bit surreal...I know it's going to happen but I still can't really grasp it. I'm going to have a stomach the size of an egg. I'll lose weight, quickly. Just..crazy. I also am aware that this is a commitment that will be ongoing. The weight may come off quickly at first..but you have to work at it. You have to eat right, exercise, work on the emotional eating for the rest of your life. You dont just get skinny and live happily ever after. And, I'm ok with that. I'm happy to have the chance to get the surgery, and have a tool to help get the weight off. The rest is up to me. Curtis and I are just over the moon...one year ago, Curtis' health was so bad, we didn't know if he'd live very much longer. Now, we're daydreaming about where in the world we want to travel, and what we want to do when we retire. And I have gone baby crazy as well! *laughs* I know that I have to wait 18 to 24 months, and I'm more than willing to do that (we do want kids, in the nearish future, but we have no immediate plans)...but just knowing that the time will be right in the future, and I'll be ABLE to. My PCOS may never be fully cured, but I will be in a much better boat to get pregnant and to be healthy during the pregnancy.

Ok, I'm rambling and Curtis' is bugging me to get to bed. Toodles.

2008-08-23T17:01:00.000-07:00

I feel extremely grateful right now. I have been APPROVED for surgery by insurance. No ifs ands or butts about it..it's gonna happen! I am a bucketful of emotions, but mostly grateful and happy.

I'll have an official date soon, after some things are finalized with the surgeon. He wants to make sure that Curtis has had enough time to heal and will be prepared to help me. We've also talked with his parents about me staying in their guest room the first couple nights. That way when he's in school/working/busy, I can still have someone to watch me or drive me if something arises. I think this will work out well.

I've had about 95% positive reactions with the people I've told, and some people with misinformation..but it's something I've come to expect from wls communities I read. Its still a bit flustering. I need mini brochures for my purse. hah.

More updates to come!

2008-08-16T20:48:00.000-07:00

Things are chugging along. I had the appointment with the nutritionist, psych evaluation, ultrasound of my gallbladder and just have a few more things left of the prerequisites.

I'm officially getting nervous! In a good way. It is all very exciting, I've just never had surgery before so I don't have anything to compare it to.

I accidentally washed/dryed some clothes with a tube of peach lip gloss. Whoops. A few of my shirts were ruined and I have lots of spotty whites, but I didn't get too upset. I could literally say "Well, in a few months I wont be wearing them anyway." That is a nice feeling. I don't think I'll have to buy much..my mom is so excited at the prospect of being able to buy me clothes when she goes to Puerto Rico or just on QVC that I'll have to hold an intervention. *laughs*

Last week was somewhat of a rough one, health wise. I won't get into the details, because it involves "girl" stuff, but I was extremely frustrated by my body. By PCOS and the general dysfunction of my body. I feel so lucky to be able to do something to help my body, and to get it to work as it should. That is what I'm focusing on, when I get scared. I'm going to be a new person, physically, in a year...and I'm sure emotionally too, but physically I'll be able to do things like..ovulate! What a concept! Or go for a hike! I live in OREGON. With trees and rivers and such. I want to enoy 'em.

la la..ok, enough rambling.

Working It Out

2008-07-31T19:42:00.001-07:00

Guess who went to the Gym last night and sweated herself silly?

Me.

I have to thank my husband, for ignoring The Whine and The Excuses and just making me go to the gym. I will come up with any and every excuse but we've gone swimming a few times this week, and yesterday I decided that since I didn't feel like swimming I did 10 minutes on the eliptical, and 15 on the treadmill. The elliptical was rough, not in a bad way I just really worked up a sweat. It felt good though, lots of fun adrenaline. I'm still so out of shape that swimming just exhausts me..but that will lessen as I do it more. I am a good swimmer, was on a swim team when I was little so I remember what I used to be able to do, and it frusterates me that I can't do it yet. Baby steps, though.

I was down 2 pounds this morning from my weigh-in at the surgeons office, so that was nice. I tend to bounce back and forth between 269-265, so I'm not doing any victory dances, but it would be nice if it stays like this until my next appointment. I have a goal to lose 5 pounds before surgery, and I would like to be able to accomplish that without too much stress.

Um...what else? Oh, to top off the fact that I'll be having surgery, most likely, end of september, we might be MOVING as well. This should be interesting. *laughs* We found a really awesome place in Ashland, that has the same rent as we are paying now in Eagle Point, but it would be walking distance to SOU where Curtis is going to school. The gas prices are just too high to live 30-45 minutes away from school, and 20 from work and going back and forth several times a week. I'm crossing my fingers we'll be able to move into the place.

2008-07-25T12:02:00.000-07:00

So, I had my consultation appointment at the Southern Oregon Bariatric Center, and it went very well. I had gone with my husband when he had his, so it was more of a refresher. What was nice, is that I was able to talk more with the program coordinator, Kathleen, about what to expect as far as eating once you are further out from surgery. There are lots of meal plans, and I was with my husband and his nutritionist appointment, but it's nice to hear ideas about snacks and ways to sneak in protein powder (apparently people are very creative, even baking them into "cookies"). I also got my body analysis showing my weight distribution, goal weights etc. This one is a bit more accurate than the last one I took, the sensors are not only on the feet but also the hands. It said that my goal weight is 175. I'm all for that.

I also heard that the Marketing people found my blog once I mentioned SOBC, so hello marketing people!

My birthday was yesterday, and it was a fantastic time. My family has been amazingly supportive. Every person I've talked to about this has been 100% on board, sounding so excited and telling me how much energy I'll have and how much better I'll feel. (Which is nice because it's not "oh, you'll be skinny!"..they get that it is about health)

My Sister and Brother-in-law even got me a water-filter system that has the little flavoring tubes to make my own flavored water! How perfect is that? It made me feel so good that everyone is thinking of Curtis and I, and how to make us feel relaxed and as normal as possible with the changes we are having.

So, I guess that's enough rambling for now. I like having this specific place to just brain dump anything and everything regarding wls.

It Starts.

2008-07-16T14:50:00.000-07:00

Southern Oregon Bariatric Center Consultation appointment:

July 23rd 2008 at 10:30am.

Wow, what an early birthday present!

Turn Around

2008-07-12T12:36:00.000-07:00

Wow, has it really been 2 months since I last posted?

I was very very frustrated the last time I posted, and didn't know what in the world to do. Meanwhile, my husband had gastric bypass surgery on June 26th, and focus went to finishing up the doctors appointments he had, and then of course recovery. He has done fantastic. In about a week he'll weigh less than me! He is wearing an XL in shirts, when before surgery he was a snug 2XL. I'm SO happy for him, and his health has turned around completely.

Yesterday, I had my follow up doctors appointment, and much to my surprise my doctor said that he thinks I should go and see the surgeon and take the route of having weigh loss surgery. I was shocked, and happy as well. What I thought was amazing, and made me feel very good about his decision was that..since I didn't qualify for the study (not being on the pill for 3 months, as well as fluctuating weight) the medications that are around for PCOS do help, somewhat, but not as much as he likes and almost never permanently. So, he thinks doing this will help stop a plethora of problems I'm on the verge of having.

The surgeons office is going to call I'm guessing sometime next week to set up an appointment. I'm not trying to get my hopes up too high, because insurance may not approve it, but I'm hopeful that I may finally have something to help me out of this hole I've dug myself into.

I'm well aware that wls is a TOOL, it does not guarantee healthy weight for the rest of my life..but it can get me to where I need to be while I work on the mental aspect as well.

I am ready to give up using food to stuff my emotions, and of my life revolving around what I'm eating or what I want to eat.

Todays weight: 267

Thinking Out Loud. Er, Type.

2008-05-16T04:05:00.001-07:00

I just don't know what to do anymore. I showed up for the study...and was told that since I haven't been on the pill for 3 months I couldn't participate. You HAVE to be on the pill, and you have to be on any medications for at least 3 months so as to not compromise the study. Which, I understand. But I spoke with the director of this BEFORE driving the 20 minutes at 8 in the morning (I work swing shift, that is very early for me) to be told "whoops".

I..just don't know anymore. I'm feeling a bit insecure since I know my husband is about to drop a ridiculous amount of weight fast, and I'll be left in the dust. This has lead to me eating emotionally, and while recognizing that I'm doing it is good..I'm not stopping myself either. I've considered going to OA meetings again, but the control freak in me isn't yet ready to say I can't just do this on my own. Which is ironic since the study would be putting me on medications and regulating my body.

Another problem I'm having is my resistance to buckling down with a "program" because I HATE obsessing about food, writing everything down, obsessing about exercise and all of that. It can be consuming. I just want to have a healthy relationship with food, be at a weight that doesn't make me feel terrible, and be able to have a baby. Apparently, that is a lot to ask of myself.

I see people sometimes that just have not one issue with food. They eat when they are hungry, stop when they are full. Feed themselves things that make them feel good, recognize when things make them feel bad. It amazes me. How can they have grown up in the same society as I have, and be this way? I did have some help with it starting young as I had "influential" family members deciding at 5 years old I was fat..but still I think this is a hurdle I was meant to fight for some ridiculous reason.

I've been out of control with eating. Buying tons of candy and sugary crap, chips and things. Rewarding myself for working so hard. That is not embracing my body, nourishing and loving it the way it is. That is self medicating, and I've distanced myself from doing that before, and apparently I need to start working on that again.

*sigh*

Para-copy/pasted from my Livejournal. Where I'm a huge dork.

2008-05-01T13:25:00.000-07:00

Well, my doctors appointment yesterday was....interesting. Not bad, just kind of scrambled.

The doctor that I got set up with today is Curtis' primary care doctor, so he kind of knew who I was and what-not. He wants me to try a clinical study they are doing before settling on surgery as my primary option for losing weight. The study is for 2 medications that are now on the market and being used to help with insulin resistance/weight loss to be combined. Apparently, it has had very good results, and the weight loss is on par with people who have lap-band surgery. So..the potential to lose 70-80% of my excess weight. I'm all for things to help me manage my weight, so I'm certainly willing to try it out. It is also not diet pills a la Phen-Phen, it is actually sythetic medications based on hormones you already secrete in your system that control appetite, regulate your body fat and that control your insulin secretion.

I got my body mass index tested, oh joy. Weight was 265. My BMI is 41.6, My fat % is 52.1, my target body fat% is 25 percent, so my weight that I need to aim for is 169.8 for a total of 96.01 pounds to lose. *falls over* Ok, I knew how much I weighed and how much I needed to lose..but FIFTY TWO percent of me is fat. That's..just..uncalled for. *laughs*

So, we'll see how this clinical trial goes. I get paid for it, which didn't make me want to do it but it doesn't hurt since I have to drive about 30 minutes to get to the clinic. I just hope I'm not one of the placebo people, that will feel like 6 months wasted. You do get a "lifestyle coach" who calls you during the week for 30 minute sessions about diet/exercise and all that. The best thing that could come out of it is finding a way to regulate my body better. That would be wonderful. Yes, with wls my pcos symptoms would dramatically lessen..but my doctor thinks that I should definitely try this option, as well as "a couple other things" that they use for obese women with PCOS, which I guess he/the clinic deal with a lot. I'm feeling a little frustrated because I want Curtis and I to get the surgery together, but I also trust that our Dr. is really doing what he thinks would be best for me.

In other news, all of my blood was taken from my body today. *laughs* I don't mind having my blood drawn, they just took quite a bit. Lets hope I'm not anemic! *laughs* The normal things for me, thyroid/estrogen/testosterone/lipids (cholesterol) also a CBC to check my blood cell levels, and also one for B12 which I think is good...because a lot of people have that deficiency and don't know it. I also got an X-RAY done of my back, just to rule out a few things on why I have back/hip/leg pain. I had never had an X-ray done before, and I was a very brave Elizabeth.

omg, aren't you guys SO excited about this post? I'm like, totally the most interesting person on your RSS/Friends list.

I got a Raspberry Lemonade slurpee afterward since I had fasted all day. Slurpees are ALWAYS a good thing.

I start the "screening" process on Monday, there are 4 different screening appointments before they actually give you any medication.

2008-04-17T16:32:00.000-07:00

So, the last time Curtis was in the hospital, his cardiologist really encouraged him to think about getting weight loss surgery. This is something we both really considered about a year ago, but didn't go through with. We've decided that enough is enough, and to do this for ourselves.

To some this is very drastic, and a lot of people disagree. That's ok, everyone has a right to their own option. I just know that, for us, health has been a major concern and we want to be healthy. Curtis needs to get the weight off asap, and in a lot of ways I do too. I have health concerns that most 22 years olds do not, even other "obese" women my age. I have a medium to large frame, and my body is already started to rebel..I have hip alignment problems and sciatic nerve pain, and recently I've been having a lot of joint pain in general. I just feel that we need to jump into this together.

It is going to be a huge change for us, but I feel a good one. I have been "lurking" on weight loss message boards for several years, and I'm well aware of the risks and downsides. There was a point in my life that I was extremely judgmental about this, and so I'm not looking at it to fix anything. I will always have to keep a blog like this, always watch what I'm doing to my body. To make sure I'm eating the right foods, no matter the potion size. To take my vitamins, exercise..etc. This is a toold to help my husband and I become healthier people who can look forward to our future with hope and excitment rather than dread at what may happen (ie death). It is a life changing thing to watch your young husband go through so much health wise, and to know I'm on the cusp of those problems as well.

So..yeah..that is that. I'm still going to post here, and probably more frequently than successfully underachieving in the next year or so just because weight loss surgery becomes such a focus. I'm ready to be a healthy person, and in the future a healthy mother (at this point that seems unlikely).

2008-03-27T22:51:00.000-07:00

Still at 264. Have been at a stand still since starting my new job. Which, is fine. I take awhile to adjust to new schedules..and I really need to get back on thyroid medication because I have NO energy...exercising will also help with that too.

I actually have quite a bit to write here, but i'm so dead tired with this cold and I was just off on a tangent in my main blog so now I'm drained. But I will not abandon this journal, so little updates or not I'm gonna post.

2008-01-24T20:38:00.000-08:00

Not a huge amount to say today, but I thought I better "check in" since this is my blog-to-be-consistent/accountable.

In the beginning of changing your eating habits and lifestyle, there aren't a whole lot of perks. There is mostly crankiness, hunger, cravings... and obsession over the scale. I know because of past attempts both successful and abandoned.

You can sit and look at before/after pictures on weight loss forums for inspiration. Or if you are really masochistic you can shop for clothes a few sizes small that don't fit you for motivation (I do NOT recommend that particular form of torture at all). But all in all it is a lot of struggle without that instant gratification our society usually gets.

On Tuesday, I had my first "this is working" moment. And it actually came when I was making a not-so-healthy choice. This is my husbands weekend, so we were running errands. We had plans to go to his grandparents house for dinner but not until 4pm. By 1pm we were famished and at Costco. Not a good combination. I got one of their ridiculously large slices of Cheese pizza. When I was 3/4 of the way done I felt full. Not just satisfied but could eat more... but full. I was very happy with this. Now, I can't say that before I would eat 3 pieces of this huge pizza and my how awesome I am. But I can say that before? I wouldn't feel like I had consumed a full meal. I wouldn't want more, but I wouldn't want less. So....progress. The stomach is shrinking which is a very important hurdle for me; Mrs. Distorted Portions.

And yes I totally was that person with the greasy cheese pizza slice and a diet coke. :D

Checking In

2008-01-19T15:38:00.000-08:00

Hello again dear diet-blog. I've been quiet because life has been stressful. I've been doing well..thursday and friday were extremely hectic, so no exercising done but on Wed. I really upped the exercise and walked 1.25 miles in 30 minutes and burned 139 calories. I was very excited about that. :D

I'm also down another 2 pounds, woo. It is very silly, but the gratification of seeing my little lion ticker move makes me so excited I almost immediately update it when I get off the scale. haha. I've decided to change my weigh-in day to Saturday. For the longest time it was Fridays, and then I changed it to Wednesdays for weightloss wednesday posts, but I liked the end of the week look at what is going on with my body, and since Fridays tend to be hectic..Sat. is just the ticket.

Thats all for now.

Information Roundup

2008-01-13T20:25:00.000-08:00

16 / 64 ounces of water (2 whole cups, its a miracle!)

1439 calories

30 minutes on treadmill, 1.17 miles, calories 136

Strength training:
2 sets of 12
Hip Flexor
Wall pushups
Side Crunches
Reverse Crunches (KICKED MY ASS)

So, for any treadmill enthusiasts out there, what do you do with your arms while you walk? I have the walk away the pounds dvds, and during her videos she just lifts her arms in the air and brings them down..nothing fancy but it does up the impact. Every so often I'll do 3 sets of 10...tonight I did that 5 times. That ends up equalling 150, not too shabby.

Hi.

2008-01-13T17:43:00.001-08:00

I just spent a ridiculously long time setting up this template, and trying to come up with a name for this here blog. Carrot Sticks and Wobbly Bits is cute, but probably not going to stay. Suggestions are welcome!

So..why this blog, you ask? Well, I just have WAY too many places online where I focus on weight and eating and exercise. I am signed up on Spark People, 2 message boards, I have a livejournal where I talk about it as well as many communities within livejournal...and it is just way too much. I wanted to make a "home" for all my thoughts, progress, rants and goals. I'm hoping it will be helpful for me to stay consistent with everything.

I also deleted The Inquisitive Fattie. I can rant here, and I just don't fit in the bubble of "fat acceptance". There is this popular saying within that group of: "Healthy at any size", which I believe. If you don't have health complications (including blood pressure, cholesterol levels etc), and you are active and eat right, then that all doesn't go by the wayside just because the BMI labels you as fat. The problem is that there is this other, very popular idea that dieting or trying to lose weight is against fat acceptance. Oh, and it doesn't work anyway. *rolls eyes*

I get the general ideas of why these ideas came to existence...super restrictive diets, unhealthy diets, unreasonable expectations and weights too small for your frame WILL lead to failure. But there are many people in this world who have started eating better, exercising and dealing with their issues with food and body image and are healthier for it (and no, I don't just mean thinner). So, yeah...I don't fit in with the cool fat kids :p.

Onto happier topics...
So far, I have lost 12 pounds. Annnd, I have kept a 10 pound loss off since October. This is a big deal for me. Normally, I lose 3 or 4 pounds and then have a grand 'ol time gaining it back and losing it all over again. The reason this attempt is different for me is the fact that I'm not starving myself, I'm just focused on encorporating healthy changes and healthy portions of what I eat. I focus one meal at a time..which sounds very gimmicky but it helps. Each time I eat I can make a decision about what I put into my body. If I pick something not-so-nutritious? It doesn't negate anything good I've done. There is no way to "blow my diet." or feel guilty. It might mean slower weight loss, but I'm ok with that.

That's all for now, I expect this blog to mainly be ignored by the outside world, gonna be a lot of boring rambling and ranting about expensive plus size clothes.

Please Note

2008-01-12T21:35:00.001-08:00

Obsessive, narcissistic talk of my weight/eating/exercise etc to follow! Whee.